Here at the Majlis we voice our thoughts; worries and concerns .. We resonate our inner self and we chill out as well.. This Majlis is our space to relax even if it seems impossible at times ..
One last thing; you don't need to knock on my doors; IYM does not have closed doors !
Welcome to the Majlis :)

Beautiful Sadness

>> Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Red Violin-1

The Red Violin-2

Bonjour.. it's a sad day.. yet it's a beautiful day ! Am I making any sense here ? any coherence ?
It's one of those moments when you're in direct confrontation with your deepest sadness.. should I slap it and run away from it like I always do; or should I accept it; be friends with; and start enjoying its spontaneous rhythmical dance ?!
The thing is I thought I've been running away from it all those years; I've just realized I've been running away in a closed circle and no matter how large that circle was; even if it took years to run through it ( that's how large my circle is ) at the end I'm back to point "1" .. face to face with my runaway trigger again.. face to face with my deepest sadness again.. back to point zero and not even point one !
Emotionally drained ?! YES..
Mentally drained ?! YES..
Physically drained ?! YES..
What should I do next ?!
What if I try something new that I haven't tried before ?! What If I try to grab my sadness's hand and run with it in a circular motion inside of my larger circle that brought me back to point zero !! What if I not only run with my sadness for one turn but rather I keep running with it in smaller circles one after the other inside of the 'done' circles till we reach the middle of all of those circles and then find no space to escape through ! Time to catch my breath then.. and time for my sadness to catch its breath as well !
But what would be next after that revolving and evolving march ? Any other geometrical dance that would seduce my mind again ?! All I know for now is that I want to transform into a colourful butterfly and fly out of that tiring draining circle .. I want to breath the air of freedom.. my spirit needs to be free.. my spirit needs to let go of all of the negative experiences that are chaining it down to the moment .. I want to kill time; kill my past time and just enjoy living in the moment which I find very frozen !
The walk is still very heavy.. the walk is still not coloured with joy..
Freedom.. come to my spirit..
Freedom.. come to my mind..
My Sadness.. stay with me please.. I still need your company to help me grow !


IYM Ultimatum

>> Saturday, April 4, 2009

For some reason which is beyond my limited human mental comprehension I feel like I'm living one of Bourne Ultimatum's episodes ! Something somehow somewhere triggered my roller-coaster and so here I am riding high waves of my unpredictable life one more time ! However, this very ride of mine is very different compared to my previous trivial ones which at some point, when they were very active, seemed massive and non-defeatable to me. This new wave-ride, and I will not call it massive or non-defeatable this time, is very unique and interesting in fact; and above all very enjoyable.. yes very enjoyable and yes for the very first time in my life I welcome my new challenges with joy and big smile unlike my anxious previous welcomes !
Bourne Ultimatum.. IYM Ultimatum.. Life Ultimatum.. and here we go again..
How did I get into this new path of mine is the least of my concern.. mechanistically this belongs to life and to the good guy up there.. I stopped questioning ' How ' long time ago and I started focusing on ' OK, I'm in for it ' with a very relaxed and welcoming attitude..
Earlier this week I entered a very beautiful forest made of marbles; real blossomed flowers and perfumed by some fresh historical scents.. it was also inhabited by expanded self-growth individuals .. It was a genuine gentleman who smartly enough managed to decipher my code in no time and then grabbed me by my hand and guided my blind eyes to this beautiful forest.. I cannot thank him enough.. that 'Thank You' card I left on his disk for sure was not enough !
And while finding my way through the unlimited corners of that ticklish forest I managed to find a lion's cave ! And today I entered with my full conscious decision and intention the lion's cave and I locked its door behind me after letting a candle in that vague silent darkness which this cave is illuminated with ! Yes I was in direct confrontation with the lion for a while..reading him as he was reading me.. eye to eye and mind to mind.. it was such a mystical dance that I was prepared for by all of what I kept perceiving as obstacles over the past few years of my life! I call it now a shift in awareness ! The thing is I'll be living in that locked cave with that lion for few weeks now .. the real challenge here is not to let him spot any of my acquired spiritual weaknesses or else I'll seduce his drooling saliva ! I guess I would have to replace my acquired weaknesses with the real me.. IYM Ultimatum ! Right ?!
Would I reach ' IYM supremacy ' one day ?! Would I be able to continue exploring this beautiful and tickling yet challenging forest that I was invited to explore ?! Is there an end to it like it had a beginning ?! and above all, does it has that deeply rooted huge tree that I keep dreaming of hiding inside with my soul mate wearing my white clean childhood sleeping gown trimmed with intricate embroideries; not to forget for sure my perfumed hair ?! I have a feeling I'll manage to find my hide-away relaxing tree after this lion lets me out with a bow ! Ooh IYM, granduse ?! I do not think so.. then what, READY ?! I think 'YES' .. I have no other choice I guess.. a tiger I have to become !
Am I day dreaming.. I hope not..
Whatever you dream is real.. Picaso said that once..
Good night all..


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