THE MAJLIS

Living a " Pause "

2011-02-20T13:19:00.001-04:00

The Walk.. The Forest

2011-02-16T17:23:00.002-04:00

Still walking in a very dark; scary and rainy forest.. alone by myself .. for a long period of time !

It stopped raining for a short period of time about a week ago when it became sunny and breezy out of the blue .. I thought and believed that day that it was spring time and that I was on a different land.. I was in Heaven.. I ' experienced ' Heaven; got indulged in its magical presence.. and yes it happens when it's least expected.. It lasted only for few hours but the euphoria of it lingered around a little longer.. I couldn't even give it more detailed reality description simply because my pen broke that day ! Maybe one day I'll put it down in my autobiography; I'll assign an entire chapter for it.. just to highlight the beauty of conincidences ! There is an opinion that goes " Coincidences do not exist; they're all planned by God and we have to learn to take advantage of them " ! At the end of the day; it doesn't matter what my personal view of that particular unusual encounter was; the bottom line is it made me feel joyous and happy even though for a very short period of time !

Not euphoric or ecstatic any longer; I'm drifting back to my dark rainy forest.. and believe me I am trying hard to draw a smile that is not tickling my soul.. I manage to do so but it's a very short lived smile as well !

There was a smile that I'm missing.. there was a smile that I need .. there was a smile that was real !

And my walk continues.. alone.. and it is still dark and rainy..

Any company ?

Good night..

IYM

Yes Italy.. " Perfoomeh "

2010-12-18T05:58:00.003-04:00

I called my dearest friend Sammo in Saudi Arabia a couple of days ago.. after touching base; she goes " Aren't you thinking of traveling somewhere just to freshen up ? "

Yes Sammo I need to re-energize my moments and do some thought clearing.. I do need to travel; refresh and unwind.. I was thinking of a travel destination lately .. I'm thinking eihter France or Italy but I think I'll end up going to Italy.. I need to be surrounded by an unfamiliar language that is so vibrant and full of life..I also need to dive in my favorite pasta dishes before I consider seriously loosing the extra pounds that sneaked and resided comfortably in my pants lately.. LOL

I think the youtube clip is Italian.. am I right ?

This time for sure I'll run away with an art piece from Florence even if it takes me joining the Mafia for it ;)

IYM

A Perfect Exit

2010-12-02T18:11:00.001-04:00

Is my exit from my wave as perfect as well ? Time will only tell..

IYM

Diffusion of Mind

2010-11-21T17:56:00.003-04:00

Yes it is diffusion of mind what I am going through these days.. don't be surprised if I confess that the past that I cursed and kept cursing for a long period of time seems not too bad compared to my current days.. it feels so trivial.. all I have left is memories of memories !

And yes I'm living a state of mind diffusion .. I am 'stoned'.. drugged by discouragement.. miss-shaped by misfortune.. am I making any sense here ? Why did I come back to this land ? Why did I give myself the ' right of return ' ? What on Earth did I do to myself and to my career ?!

I don't even have much to say.. all I need to know is " When is it going to be all over ? "

I guess I better start taking some serious actions soon .. I should migrate with winter birds !

IYM

Today's Quiz

2010-10-06T17:36:00.002-04:00

I just fell in love with this painting during my one week Amsterdam visit.. it's one of the master pieces displayed at the Rijks Museum.. look at how beautifully and artistically the colours are blended.. I got its mug and a 1000-piece puzzle game which would be challenging to assemble but I think it'll be fun !

Who can tell the story behind it ? Who can also read my mind and guess which other painting I also wanted to steel from the Museum ?

Late Evening Thoughts

2010-10-03T14:29:00.002-04:00

And I find myself at cross-roads again; I just hate it when it happens to me ! Although I know deep inside that at the end of my insomnic days; Bing-chocolate eating and my anger outbursts that I thank my family for tolerating.. I know at the end of all this self-inflicted drama I get what I want and I follow the path I'm destined to have.. I still hate this state of mind I'm living.. I hope I have a different awareness of what cross-roads are meant to be; not for anything; just for better tolerance of what it's coasting !
And the thought of calling him to hear his calm self-reassuring voice is tingling my inner being this evening .. Should I do it or not ? It's been almost 2 months and 20 days since I last indulged on his existence in my life, since I last got 'tickled' by his manhood, since I last felt like a real woman; like Aphrodite .. Even though it was a break-up; he was fully present in the moment for it and for me ! Yes I miss you and yes as much as waves of sadness has been mapping my shores lately ; as much as I enjoyed the rides and the tides ! I hope you are doing well and feeling good tonight ! I still need you by my side !
What would it take to stop being so picky ? What would it take to stop analysing the differences between a Channel mascara and a Christian Dior one.. at the end they are both mascaras ?! Should I call myself insane for the time spending at Dubai mall yesterday shopping for a mascara and then getting rid of it today ?! It helps sometimes not to have so many options because then we end up settling with none ! I wish there was only one brand of make-up to wear and for sure one brand of men to share life with ! Oops, am I day-dreaming / night-dreaming here ?!
I am short of one-million Dollars .. can someone water; flower and flourish my bank account ?! Maybe I should convince myself " I already have 20-million Dollars as assets in cash and it feels so good and healthy to be rich and to grow richer and richer with time ".. the illusion might work.. what do you think ?!

Time for a movie on MBC-2; and then a candle might help dissolve some of my evening thoughts induced turmoil.. although I doubt it..

Good night.. Bon Nuit..

IYM

Join me for a weekend chill out

2010-09-16T15:32:00.002-04:00

Add to it dim light.. nice aroma.. drinks and viola :)
Enjoy your weekend..

IYM

I Did It My Way

2010-09-12T16:31:00.000-04:00

Yes I did it my way ;)

A Snake I Am.. Benign !

2010-09-10T17:41:00.003-04:00

Appear and disappear.. should I call myself a snake in the continuous phase of changing skins.. or an ocean whale who's back waving loudly with it's ignorant tale ?

I leave the judgement to my blog readers who are less than 10 but do count a lot ..

All I know for now is that the transition from a North American living to UAE living is just taking it's time and it might never have a final shape and identity ! I just feel very 'fluidy' for now ! Are you surprised ? Please don't be !

Mentalities and people alike here are shaped in an inflexible pattern; non-negotiable belief system; anything that challenges that stove-molded pattern is cursed; is of devilish rather than divine nature..

Why do you feel so challenged if you're so right ? a basic and a simple question that does not need an answer for sure.. we all know what the answer is !

And don't get me wrong here.. I'm not talking religion or philosophies.. the space of personal freedom with these two issues is very much respected.. I'm talking work here and the long dreamed-of non-existent professional environment at our Governmental sectors.. What the hill is going on ?! Are we asking millions of Dollars or what ? It really takes nothing to be nice to and professional with your colleagues.. it takes nothing to respect each other.. it takes nothing to accept the qualifications of those who were in exile for so long in order to best serve their country at the end and their people.. But it takes one thing for sure: it takes a genuine feeling of service for anyone to grow professionally..

In our pure local jargon we just describe this type of unprofessionalism as " 3aib "..

Hope the aliens get it..

Good night..

IYM

Cruelty Wine

2010-06-08T16:29:00.004-04:00

" Lost in the maze of delusion and illusion of having temporary colourful days; I wish I was shot in the head the moment I felt the presence of a soul mate; and believed it so much to the extent of enjoying the euphoria of being in a trance.. a trance of comfort and inner stability..

I just hate myself.. and I hate my days..

And I'm still sipping on life's cruelty wine.. drunk and shattered on the streets that distance us apart.. I hate my destiny..

Do you really have to kill our love for each other ? If so, then please kill me before you do so.. I mean it.. a shot in the head is all it takes..

I'm looking for a gun.. and sipping more on this cruelty wine "

She wrote in her diary tonight..

Chilling Out

2010-05-21T08:16:00.001-04:00

My music company while commuting to and from work.. enjoy this very well crafted piece of love..

IYM

Dissociated Spirits

2010-04-24T15:02:00.005-04:00

Are we living the time of dissociated spirits ? Or our mind had always been tinged with this unsettling unease since the beginning of humanity ? All I know for now is that tonight I belong to the dissociated spirit co-op as much as I belong to my Pralino chocolate box that my sister ordered from Lebanon !

Psychologists name it an adjustment period.. To me, it serves nothing on the other hand but amplify the cultural gap that I realized was embedded deep in me the moment I decided to leave my country and live abroad for x number of years to obtain my postgraduate qualifications .. At times while being abroad, my moments felt like an infinity that was artistically shaped with beauty and misery at the same time; a unique piece of sculpture resembling in its finest details a lunar eclipse that was going through brightness and darkness simultaneously at its core ! That was the sculpture of my life ! Now that I'm sculptured and shaped all over; in and out; I find it hard to follow 'a' path around Earth again; 'their' Earth.. 'their' path !

Pralino water my mouth again please !

Strange is the world around me.. strangers are my work mates.. strangers are my family members.. strange it feels when I walk the corridors in the malls; drive down jammed roads.. strange it feels when I sip on our Arabic coffee.. awkward it feels when I put on the Abaya.. this planet I'm living is not mine !

All I can remember vividly from time to time is my childhood and not the years I spent in preparation for my lengthy travel to North America.. My memory of being a medical student once is very vague.. very distant.. very blurred.. and yet it is still very vibrant and full of life the moment my childhood friend hugged me in a hidden place one afternoon when he was knocking the door of his teenage years and wanted to do what men did in black and white Egyptian movies !

Pralino chocolate be my best friend please !

Tonight is a strange night.. and tomorrow is another strange day.. dead rhythms.. dead colleagues.. and a dead on-call duty.. my spirit is dissociated.. I cannot have a soft hand on it again; it doesn't exist to be soothed; no warmth.. no gentelness.. all I am for now is a physical body with coordinated digits typing this post on this strange new planet that I cannot function as a revolving moon around !

Pralino chocolate.. Oops the box is empty !

A beautiful letter

2010-01-08T01:04:00.003-04:00

Life is full of unique secrets to say the least.. only the wise can touch their hidden beautiful cannotations and transform them into reality.. into an existing living being..

Here is a letter that I recieved less than 24 hours ago.. and yes it is the most beautiful letter I've ever read.. I couldn't help while reading it but to have an honest moment with my soul.. there was a pause and with it there was full consciousness; a level of consciousness that is usually experienced during birth and death of loved ones.. most of the time we are barely there; semi-consciuss as described in my medical books..

This letter was written to me by life itself.. and it is a being on its own.. didn't I tell you life if full of unique secrets ?!

I'll let you read it.. while I'm still speechless having a pause.. and yes it emits warmth; comfort and consolation.. and you cannot help but let your soul indulge in smiles..

" You know IYM, life is a very interesting phenomenon. We come, we live, and we go. The only ones who actually LIVE are the ones who live while sharing the whispers with the Beloved. Who are daring enough to loose all their senses in the quest of the truth of their potential and end up giving off the scent of the breath of the Beloved. Who are bold enough to face life head on and can dance like a stream, and contain themselves in a vessel at the same time.
You, my dear, are on that path. The path of those daring and bold, who actually LIVE :). I have not seen you, but even from such distances, the aura of strength that your personality exudes, is so tangible. At times life may not be a smooth sail for you, but that is because you ARE capable of cruising the ship even when the sea is rough. Do you realize what blessing is this? :) This is the blessing of being trusted, trusted to be capable of handling the situations come what may! Trusted to be adaptable and preservative enough to be a dancing stream when the times ask, and to be still waters when times change.
You my dear, have been strong, because that is the only way you can be :). There is no other alternative. Pause. One can not expect a fish to soar a flight, like an eagle can not be expected to swim under the sea beds. That is exactly how it is in your case, you can not do it any other way than excelling it. You just can not :)
The paths, the routes, the maps do get tricky at times. But what remains unchanged, unfizzled, is the undying fighter's spirit that makes up your person. The flame of strength that alights your torch remains a life long treasure hunt for many. So its just that befitting way of acknowledging your true potential and personal integrity, that life keeps on challenging you; and continue being surmounted like only you could do.
Believe you me, you too couldn't live it any other way; you are too ALIVE to let life come easy to you :)

May you always ace whatever you do,May you always be fragrant with the scent of the Beloved,May your stillness bear a rhythem of movement,and may your moves bear the grace of calm oceans.amen. "

God bless the sender.. 'life' she is

A perfectionist performance !

2010-01-04T00:46:00.002-04:00

Romance in its perfectionist performance equals one of H. Al Jasmi's songs..
It made me speechless.. my memories are doing most of the conversational work right now !

Enjoy it..
[ Leenah please tell me you understand a bit of Arabic ]

Goodnight all..

IYM

The Art of Let Go

2009-12-26T23:29:00.004-04:00

And it's time to say Good Bye !

I didn't think it was that mentally challenging to let go of my 7-year-old illusional possessions until I started packing my stuff last night in preparation for my departure to my home land.. my beloved UAE..

Deciding what to get rid of; what to leave behind was so emotionally provoking to say the least.. Working on my office trying to re-prioritize material and intellectual 'things'; I realized that more than 3 hours have passed during which I threw so many memories and moments manifested in the form of paperwork and documents into the garbage chute ! What was once so important; detrimental; insomnia inducing; and emotionally draining is now gone with the wind.. transformed intentionally into garbage ! Interestingly enough; I felt a very heavy weight was taken off my chest the moment I decided they are no longer part of my thought process.. I do NOT breathe them any more.. " The nightmare on IYM's street " movie I was living; editing; and directing all those years is just ripped and burned into nothing but ash !

No longer vital to my days .. I regained my vitality !

Moving to my closet next.. and to my shoe rack afterwards.. moving around in each corner of my place getting rid of what does not represent me any more.. I could see before my eyes my entire life; my ups and downs; my good and bad times; my setbacks and my achievements dancing harmoniously with each other.. I could see the bigger picture of IYM.. I stepped out of my own box; out of my own still picture frame the moment I decided what part of me should reside in garbage indefinitely.. no looking back drama and no regrets !

With my place almost half empty now as I'm getting rid of my furniture piece by piece as well; I realize I live in a slit few meters above sea level; embraced by -30 degrees cold winter chills; million miles away from a place called home.. I am floating in sky in this rectangular slit ! Sometimes I feel I'm sensing Earth's gravity which is about to ground me down to sea level forcefully !

Impregnating my moments with intentional emptiness.. I learned the art of let go..

And yes it is time to say Good Bye !

And what I'm holding onto so tightly in the momentum will transform into disintegrating ash one day .. and life goes on as such ..

Free like the wind I am..

Sweet Dreams

2009-12-24T00:39:00.000-04:00

Design your dream house

2009-12-20T23:06:00.002-04:00

Which one do you prefer ?
Have fun designing your private house ..

IYM

" Swan Lake " and Billy Elliot

2009-12-15T01:42:00.003-04:00

Don't you just love him ?

2009-12-05T00:13:00.002-04:00

I wish I could translate this clip without loosing its very deep and inspiring connotations..

No Comment !

IYM

3eeshi Belaadi

2009-12-03T01:39:00.002-04:00

I'm posting this for Rosh who wanted me to echo my thoughts on our National Day celebration here in the exile..

I was fortunate to have been invited repeatedly now over the past few months to these formal events where what is customary known as the unspoken language transforms somehow into a very intelligent language shared only by high caliber figures who have a unique instinctive gift of capturing the aura of confidence and smartness which is being emitted spontaneously from those who are less calibrated but yet have mega dreams and potentials.. If you're on the same wave length as they are; then you start communicating with each other in the deepest recesses of your mind where your good assets reside !

And yes you start shining somehow because you're fearless.. gaining your power from your country's power.. you merge with your flag and you start undulating as it does; circulating your breeze all around.. The red boosts you with power; the green energizes you; the white dresses you with tranquility; and the black injects you with determination.. that's how I merged with our vibrant flag.. I love you UAE !

I met a figure I never thought I would meet.. not for anything, but because I never thought of

having a conversation with a Defence Minister.. it just never occurred to me; I'm just surrounded all the time by my medically-labeled professionals and by my hair-stylist.. that's my little bubble.. for sure it got burst this evening ! Do I have to tell you how a Defence Minister projects himself ? For sure not. It's more interesting I guess to know how I was trying hard to keep my head on my shoulders while talking to him ! He was extra-attentively listening to me.. he gave me every drop of consciousness he had; he managed to inflate me without me knowing it.. I describe him as being geniusly smart !

And the merging and mingling continued some more with different categories of spirits.. trained and not trained; fine-tuned and crystallized by life and those still under development..

A highly impressive UAE woman, whom I became friends with lately, dropped me home. I got into my building's elevator and guess what ? Face to face again with the Defence Minister; we were both taken by surprise:

" Oh you live here your Excellency ? "

" Yes I do.. and it was a very nice reception by the way "

Few seconds of silence during which our mind-level communication was still very active; and the elevator door opens:

" Enjoy the rest of your evening " he said to me..

" Sweet dreams " with a big smile I wished him..

That was my evening Rosh..

And the sky continues showering me with Omens these days.. and I had few tonight..

Time for bed.. I'll stare at my ceiling while drifting into sleep.. thinking to myself that the elevator man lives only two floors above mine..

IYM

Dancing Words

2009-11-27T22:55:00.004-04:00

The most expressive words of passion I've ever heard.. or read.. or came across ! Beautifully put together.. amazingly put together..

Whenever I listen to this song; or read it in Nizar's book of poetry; all I would see before me is these tender words dancing with each other.. as if they're injected with some kind of a living soul.. they just erect their flat posture; stand up on those pale lines and start dancing on the page ! And then they continue slow dancing in the air surrounding me; tickling my senses by doing so and I start inhaling all love and passion they emit.. And I become blind to every material structure around me as I start chasing those joyfully dancing letters whirling around each other like little colourful butterflies.. worshiping no one but the deep meaning of each other ! That's exactly what happens to me whenever I read one of Nizar's jewels .. and yes since ever I was a teenager !

He just loved geniusly !

Enjoy those dancing words..

As for me; I'm back to my dancing session.. back to you Nizar..

Good night,
IYM

Looser !

2009-11-24T21:37:00.003-04:00

I want to watch the clip she was talking about..

What a looser ! I wasn't aware doctors and strippers are one ! Looser..

Just get lost; or you know what.. you already are !

Regards, the doctor..

WTF IS THIS ?

2009-11-21T11:08:00.003-04:00

If you can't hide your hatred and envy to this extent; to the extent of producing such games; then for sure not only you have major cultural issues (the same way we get acused of ).. but you're nothing but a PPOS !

Any one can enlighten us on the producer of this 'F-U' game ? Don't tell us this is just a video game ! OK! This is not funny at all..

" Life is supposed to be fun "

2009-11-18T23:35:00.002-04:00

And I completely agree Abraham
Sweet dreams

IYM

The Omens

2009-11-17T23:24:00.002-04:00

And the sky never stops raining omens when it is time for divine guidance..

And it takes few experiences with bitter taste of misfortune to develop the ability of transforming what is perceived as 'co-incidences' into your strongest armors !

Fight your fight.. no one will fight it for you.. you are the army an you are the battle-field as well.. don't be surprised, you grew tremendously over the years to reach that scale; an entire army scale and you can do it my dear..

It's your fight.. no one will fight it for you.. no one will fight it but you !

Guided by sacred omens.. under the wings of the most Merciful Lord..

Open your eyes widely; follow your heart.. and keep reading the omens..

That is your new map my dear.. that is your lost map my dear..

It is time to sail again.. and it is time to keep sailing..

Come back IYM

2009-11-07T23:32:00.002-04:00

IYM just come back to yourself please.. come back to your senses.. and fall in love again with your days and with the universe around you..

Deep breath IYM.. just take a deep breath and relax.. Be your own mother, be your own lover, and open your arms widely to what life has to offer you, even if it seems doomed at the beginning.. even if it seems darker than your hair and your eyes..even if it sounds like death and behaves like death.. just open your arms my dear and welcome what life has to offer unexpectedly..

Welcome the pain.. live the agony.. dance the hula around the fire of turmoil.. celebrate with ashes..sink further in your muddy days.. if anything it's the caterpillar inside of you transforming into that colourful butterfly you're meant to be..for shedding skin was never easy, even on snakes it was never easy !

IYM my dear, you need to cry.. you need to let it out loudly.. you need to let it out..

Step back into your soul.. nourish and flourish your spirit.. it's your time to experience belonging.. it's your time to die so you can experience re-birthing again.. go for it IYM.. just go for it my dear.. and start packing..

And never look back.. again !

Roller-Coastering Again

2009-11-01T01:50:00.004-04:00

And it's never ending.. roller-coastering again.. it seems to be my pattern in life, with momentary breaks in between.. back to the pattern.. back to the storms of yesterday, today and tomorrow !

His shoulders I needed the most, so I called him.. spoke my mind and expressed my worries.. exposed my weakest spots to him again.. spontaneously.. that's how I was with him.. that's how it is with him.. I cannot resist not clinging to his warm existence when it's hard.. always there for me with all of external resistance he tries to mask his moments with.. he knows I know, I know he knows.. he is just there for me.. life gave him to me .. he gave himself to me.. but I am still alone.. going through all I'm going through by myself.. deeply alone.. painfully alone !

" My lady.. It's a huge wave that appeared in your path out of no where " he said to me.. " you either let it drift you away and so you drawn, or else you gather all your strength and ride it with pride " .. I just wanted to throw myself on his shoulders and have a deep restful endless nap when he said so.. he was however on the other side of the phone million miles away from my physical spot; zero miles away from my spirit ! Vulnerable I'm always with him.. ready he's always for me !

Roller-coastering again.. this time on waves.. huge ones.. in a lonely angry ocean.. and it is dark.. very very dark.. and freezing cold.. painfully cold.. I lost my map again.. I'm not even at cross-roads so I can choose a path out of two.. at times, cross-roads seemed to be challenging.. now they are very manageable compared to riding my huge waves in my angry cold ocean all by myself !

I am suffering.. greatly so !

Roller-coastering.. and his shoulders I need the most..

Praying to find my map soon.. praying to be warm again..

It is very cold in here.. it is very very dark.. and scary !

Dubai and Oprah

2009-10-22T22:21:00.001-04:00

The Next Mozart ?

2009-10-12T03:38:00.001-04:00

Wow.. some are just born with it !!

Moody Men

2009-10-10T03:57:00.004-04:00

As an open book a man can be on rare occasions; I find Adam most of the time to be read 'very mysterious' especially by us who belong to Eve kingdom.. and here are two examples:

The first clip is sent to me today by cousin who was so happy and elated yesterday for his achievement with his research work that he's done in collaboration with MIT ! One of the first UAEians to be associated with MIT.. why this mood now cousin ?!

The second clip was being enjoyed so much by my Cuban colleague at work today; he was tapping the rhythms on his disk and singing it with passion instead of typing in a report ! I asked him to translate; he goes " It's too painful to touch you given how much I love you; so I decided painfully not to touch you " .. makes sense ?! Apparently there is a translated version of the song by the same artist " Bola De Nieve " that I couldn't find on youtube..

Men's composite psychology.. feeling so much pain when they're reaching the peak of joy.. when they're taken by that drifting ecstatic mood; oozing joy and sorrow simultaneously .. something my mind cannot digest with ease .. maybe my male friends can elaborate here..

Any input ?

IYM

You take my breath.. I merge with yours !

2009-10-08T03:01:00.006-04:00

What an amazing piece of architectural marvel this Golden Gate Bridge is ? It just takes my breath away each time I look at it through the windows of the Hospital I work at or whenever I pass by it on my way home ! It just makes my distracting thoughts stop for a second; and then keep stopping for few more seconds and then I find myself thinking again; this time about nothing else but peace and serenity.. what an amazing effect it has on the soul !

And as my 4-week trip to San Francisco is coming to an end soon; I decided to merge with the spirit of the Golden Gate Bridge and breathe for real some more.. I decided to have a solo-walk on this bridge this coming weekend.. I hope it will be foggy so this sensual experience gets amplified !

Chaw now..

IYM

" Dreams From My Father "

2009-10-02T03:44:00.002-04:00

" I had grown too comfortable in my solitude, the safest place I knew ". Same here Mr. Obama !

Enjoying the company of your book " Dreams from my Father ".. On a personal note, so far we have so many things in common.. Can't wait to finish reading and living your dreams !

Thanks for writing this..

IYM

Return to Life

2009-09-27T01:54:00.001-04:00

Tonight I leave you with this beautiful musical clip by Artechannel.. I just loved it.

Good night all.

IYM

A Little Thought in My Hide-Away Tree

2009-09-26T04:35:00.007-04:00

And finally I managed to find my REAL hide-away tree; the place was Muir Woods in San Francisco.. and of course I have a picture of myself inside a bigger 500-year-old one !

What's with my hide-away tree ? Anyone who's gone through my writings in my previous blogs knows that I escape to my mental hide-away tree since ever I was a child; wearing a fluffy embroidery-trimmed short white dress; hair long and down following air current eagerly while running .. I mainly hide when I'm preoccupied with thoughts and feeling very very down..

Having a solo-walk in the woods; surrounded by greenery; running water hugging little rocks in between; accompanied by soothing musicals played by those love birds made my stiffened moments relax and stretch out till they vanished into no where.. I call it healing !

So, I decided to use my hide-away tree not only for crying silently; but also for meditating and reflecting on little experiences here and there especially those women-men related ones.. and for the first time I use my tree for some funny thoughts..

I came across an interesting read tonight about " The Seven Deadly Sins of Speaking "; it's all about not 'sinning' while giving work-related presentations.. and in no time I realize I'm back to my escapade tree thinking of those sins in the context of relationships; mainly how to use them to manipulate men.. LOL.. yes how to play it smart and trick men into your feminine aura ! Here are the sins as I read them followed by my tree-provoked thoughts:

" Not meeting the real needs of the audience. Every person who walks into your presentation comes with an agenda, or questions he or she wants addressed or answered. Your goal is to find out what that agenda is and make sure you address it. The more you know about your audience, the closer you will come to meeting your needs and agenda". I wonder what his agenda is ? Why doesn't he meet my needs and agenda instead ?
" An unclear purpose. Many presenters never set clear communication objectives. Before giving a presentation, ask yourself, " What exactly do I want to accomplish? What is my purpose ? Do I need to inform, stimulate, convince, motivate, or provoke ?" Make sure you recognize the difference between the subject, the title, and the purpose. They are not the same". So Eve, tackle Adam with a clear purpose; you'll never go wrong !
" Lack of clear organization. Rambling, disorganized presentations are difficult for listeners to follow. The result: the audience turns out. Early in your presentation, give your audience an overview of your purpose with an agenda of your main points. Then stick to it". I think Adam will feel intimidated big time if you show you have organized thoughts.. So don't show too much smartness !
" Too much unnecessary information. If you want to bore your audience, tell them everything you know. Contrary to what many people think, the reason that most presentations don't leave a lasting impression with the audience is that the speaker tries to give the audience too much, not too little, information. If you have 30 minutes to give a talk, you should plan to have no more than three main ideas". So, here I say to Eve, do NOT disclose too much, there is obviously no need to tell him about all your past relationships.. see, it's counter-productive ! LOL; he'll not get bored though; he'll just turn judgmental on you !
" Monotonous voice. Frequently speakers are enthusiastic and excited about their topics, yet when they get up in front of others, they are lifeless and dull. If you're not excited about your topic, don't expect anyone else to be". I agree, Eve you have no choice but to show some excitation; especially when the conversation is getting 'intimate' ;)
" Unnecessary, unclear, or inappropriate visual aids. Every slide should have a purpose and be legible and readable - not just to you but to everyone in the audience. All too often, speakers use slides as teleprompters. Look at each of your slides and ask yourself, " Is this slide for me or for my audience? " If it's just for you, get rid of it ". So Eve, your eyes are your window-slides to your soul, hop in front of your mirror and practice 2 important eye-contacts: a compassionate loving one; and a seducing one ! What if you master reflecting both aspects at the same time ! I think he'll go " Ooh La La "
" Reading the talk. Almost always a talk will be better if it is not read verbatim. Why ? Most people read aloud poorly; they mumble or race through the text. Readers frequently avoid eye contact, use few, if any body or facial gestures, and show no enthusiasm. In short, listening to a poorly read talk is boring. If you must read, practice, practice, practice ". See, that's why you shouldn't talk about your daily events as if you're 'reading' them.. use your body language and facial gestures and ignite his curiosity; let him take the lead and start asking and be curious about what you have to say.

Time to leave my hide-away tree.. back to my routine rituals; unless you want to join me inside of my huge lovely tree for some more thoughts.

Cheers to your relationships. Just remember what Voltaire said " The secret of being a bore is to tell everything ". No lingering talks on your x-boyfriends / girlfriends please ;)

Test your Creativity

2009-09-21T23:55:00.003-04:00

Hi guys.. this is IYM blogging from the beautiful city of San Francisco.. I'll make it short and I'll leave the rest to your creativity !

These 2 pictures are taken at the Palace of Fine Art.. I don't have to tell you those are women hanging on the pillars ! What came to my mind the first instant my gaze spotted the pillars was multiple marriages: having 3 or 4 wives ! Oops !

What about you ? What is your creativity dictating upon seeing this ?

Let me know ;) I'm sure it's fun..

IYM

Eid Mubarak

2009-09-16T16:25:00.002-04:00

Eid Mubarak to all of you friends.. I know I'm celebrating a couple of days earlier but I'm afraid I won't do it on time if not now as I'll be busy travelling..

Here is my warm Eid card to you, please follow the link:
http://www.dahshan.net/flash/draw_your_self.swf

Bye now..

IYM

Violent ?! Yes You Are

2009-09-13T02:46:00.003-04:00

Why were you trying to impress me all the time with your persona and your state of mind when in fact you were abusing her physically, emotionally and verbally all that time ?!

Angels and Demons ?! Huh.. answer me.. demonizing yourself when you are with her, covered up with an angelic shell when you meet with me ?! Or you think I'm worth being an angel with and she's worth being a demon with ? How fare is that to her and to me.. how fare is that ? Which face you were the most now.. ?

Do you regret inviting me over to your place where I witnessed how badly you were abusing her ? Where I heard her collapse to the floor in her tears ? Do you regret trapping yourself with my persona this time ? Yes I can trap your mind .. badly enough I can ! Are you ashamed of yourself ? Or not yet ? For a moment I thought you were a real gentleman.. I mean gentle with all women around you and not only 'selectively' gentle.. I can never trust I won't be your next victim If I allow myself further into your personal space which I doubt I would do after what your violence spoke of you.. yes it wasn't me who was abused, but it was you who has this ugly trait.. very unfortunate indeed with all the positive aura you try to reflect yourself upon !

As pretty as she is; as smart as she is; as feminine as she is; as care giving and loving as she is; as considerate as she is.. and yet you couldn't help not being a wolf with her.. May I ask you a simple question: Why ?

Why do you keep apologizing to her next day after the damage was already done ? She does not deserve this.. No one deserves this.. Sorry but you have to hate and divorce your grandiosity to be a better man.. I mean it..

And sorry my friend, but I advised her to leave you.. yes I did !

I am not impressed at all !

WOW !

2009-09-11T22:27:00.002-04:00

Bravo Bravo Shaikhah Maitha.. What a woman !

I loved the last kick.. amazing !

IYM

A City with Half Smiles and Half Brows !

2009-09-02T23:44:00.004-04:00

Do you blame me when I say my sense of suffocation is culminating and escalating and exhilarating ?! Leave aside the egomaniacs at work who keep injecting their poison into my moments from time to time; leave aside my almost non-existent social atmosphere; and leave aside my love life that keeps evaporating before it reaches its boiling point; everything seems to be tolerable these days except for the undeniable fact that the city of Ottawa has this magical power of amplifying all negative emotions and feelings that would infect your mind and soul from time to time ! The city of the dead.. dead boring to the extent of hearing loudly even all conversation that insects share by the canal.. a city where people wear half a smile and some of them if cursed enough would end up having half an eye-brow like what happened with your dear friend IYM !

It was my day-off today.. I woke up at noon having nothing else to do in the morning.. I checked myself into this Synergy Spa for the first time by phone .. I usually go to another well-known Spa close to where I live; but I received this thank-you gift card recently for a spa-treatment at this new place.. I thought why not check it out especially with the current economic recession and knowing how IYM pampers herself and end up being almost broke after each Spa treatment ! I got their address; hopped on the bus which in no time was on the high-way to Montreal.. Ooops, am I going to an unknown district or what ? I had a sense of discomfort to tell you the truth.. I don't usually risk going to far-away places alone in less-safe North America.. but thanks God I reached the place before reaching Montreal.. it felt I was in Atlanta in the area close to the airport or in Orange County if you know what I mean.. the land of no where .. few scattered buildings and a bunch of fighting teenagers swearing the 'F' word all the time. I finally found this Synergy place.. got in.. had my hair done first; colour and cut.. I couldn't complain.. Then I had my feet taken care of; a Caribbean pedicure managed to relax me a bit especially with the mini-Jacuzzi foot basin I immersed my feet in and the hot paraffin treatment afterwards.. I could sense that the girl taking care of my feet was getting tired towards the end.. she also looked upset; I think she was having a bad day.. She looked drained when she took me to a different room to clean up my eye-brows.. Somehow I knew she'll screw up this time.. and yes the mirror that she handed me at the end confirmed my fears ! 'Oh No.. What the hill have you done ? Where is half of my brow ? You.. you just look at them.. they're not equal.. I do NOT like what you've done here '.. and as I was fuming with anger; she was disintegrating with fear and tears.. I felt sorry for her and for my brows.. " I need a second opinion " I said to her.. she got out and another girl came in and tried to fix the un-fixable damage.. she goes " obviously there is nothing that we can do here aside from advising you to use an eye-brow pencil to patch the defect and cover it up ".. " we won't charge you for it; sorry for this " ..

Guys.. stop laughing please.. this is not even funny !

I left the spa with no smile this time.. not even a half one ! I hopped on the bus again; this time no AC was on with all heat we're having this week in this dead city! As soon as I reached my lovely place I ran to my comforting mirror and patched my acquired brow defect ! Never ever I'm doing this to myself again.. and you know what ? Yes to my economic recession if it wouldn't jeopardize my beauty and no to upsetting gift cards again.. it was one of those Beauty and the Beast episodes swear a God..

Few minutes later after I managed to touch base with my soul again.. I received an uplifting e-mail on my Blackberry.. my training at UCSF in San Francisco got approved.. YaaaaaaaaaaaY.. couldn't be happier even if my entire brow was gone into waxing garbage ! I e-mailed the program organizer back " I'll make sure I wear a flower in my hair once I'm in SF ".. YaaaaaaaaaaY again :) I'm dancing the Hola now :)

I then had dinner with a friend who was also wearing half a smile ! See it's cultural here in this place.. but at least I had company this evening.. then we went to this Lebanese dessert place and I'm home now with loads of Baqlava and yummy Italian chocolate eggs..

Can't wait to wear a flower in my hair.. for sure the beautiful city of San Francisco will be my most needed natural Spa.. it's time for some real detoxification treatment :)

Good night all..

IYM

A Giant is Silenced !

2009-08-26T21:37:00.004-04:00

Goodbye Teddy Kennedy.. May your soul rest in peace..

Listen carefully to his closing speech upon loss of his presidency campaign back in 1980 against Jimmy Carter. I've never seen someone rising so high above and beyond human tolerance at the very moment of defeat and major loss..

Kennedy's family legacy; a phenomenon for sure to study in depth; a distinguished school of intellect and motivation to learn from..

And yes " the work goes on; the cause endorse; the hope still lives and the dream shall never die "

IYM

A little toddler !

2009-08-23T16:54:00.002-04:00

Reminds me of the whale-watching tour I went on in San Diego last January.. beautiful.. absolutely beautiful..
This one here in the clip is playing like a little toddler.. I want it !
I've been always amazed by mother nature.. if anything, I would love to get the chance to keep exploring it.. very very relaxing !

IYM

One more Apple for my Basket !

2009-08-23T02:24:00.007-04:00

Are you surprised that I'm agonizing with homesickness ?! Am I surprised I'm living this killing state of mind ?! Being deprived of family and friends is not easy on the soul for sure..

All I've asked was ' What did you have for Futoor ? " and then my sister goes " this was your choice.. you chose to be abroad "; Mom goes " this was your choice "; uncle goes " this was your choice " .. What is even adding to my sickness is that everyone around me is making me feel I've committed a huge mistake by pursuing my postgraduate studies here in North America.. For God's sake, can't you just make me feel you're proud of me ?! Believe me, it makes all the difference in this World if you do so; especially these days .. it's my last year here in the exile and all I need to keep going when I'm so down and drained is a gentle loving push.. that's all I'm asking for !

Just stop blaming me for being alone and far away from home.. I don't need this.. not now.. not yesterday and not tomorrow..

I still have to collect my last apple here .. otherwise I wouldn't consider my basket fruity enough.. Why can't family appreciate how crucial and important this is to my mind and to my self-worth ?! After all; I'm paying the price of my upbringing.. I still remember those days at school when I was harshly criticized for not getting an A + ! I'm sure I'm not the only one to blame here..

All I can say for now is happy lonely Ramadan to me.. and yes it was my choice and no I do not regret it .. and yes I need that last apple of mine.. for empty-handedness was never imprinted in my mental agenda !

And yes I made a decision when to stop all of this achievement-running business.. but I'm keeping it to myself for now.. for sure will make an announcement when it's time ..

Happy lonely Ramadan to me again..

IYM

Man in the Box

2009-08-19T01:13:00.003-04:00

Sexual Harrassment Part-I

Sexual Harrassment Part-II

Guys.. " Man in the Box " show really made my night.. I was just dead bored and lonely.. I guess my aimless youtubing worked this time ! I subscribed to this hilarious channel : http://www.youtube.com/user/Manintheboxshow

Enjoy it :)

IYM

Not drunk on life.. Anymore !

2009-08-17T02:38:00.005-04:00

I do not get drunk on life.. I take life in moderation; love in moderation.. this is a recent change; I describe it as maturity-induced; may be a sign of aging !

But as my sickness is worsening.. I cannot help but be a deviant when time allows ! I need to soothe my moments.. nothing drastic or major to ask life for.. just a little bit of soothing every now and then !

He liked my atmosphere; then he left.. She liked my atmosphere; then she left ! Attractive enough, but not a good keeper I realize !

'I'm all ears' was and is my aura; my halo that I'm known for.. but who is conscious and kind enough to offer me one ? frozen rotten shoulders is all I'm getting so far !

She poured me her wine; her smile.. her memories.. her agonies.. got me intoxicated with her emotionally abusive life.. it was disturbing I have to admit.. I couldn't help her more but be an ear.. she left today.. sorrow in her eyes.. fake smile she was wearing.. I hugged her goodbye.. I'm praying she recovers; grows stronger wings and heavy feathers .. she reminded me of myself a decade ago when I was an injured fragile little bird .. ageless life we're living.. time flies and never comes back except in our worst of memories.. ' Ce la vie ' ! If you take love in moderation, you do not get abused my dear !

He who liked my atmosphere and ran away called a common friend and conveyed his regards.. Is he missing me ? I cannot tell the truth.. as ambivalent as tornadoes could be; so stormy and passionate on the outside.. so cold and dormant in the core.. I stopped making guesses.. there is no point in doing so ! My dear, didn't you know that I take life in moderation ?! And no I'm not drunk on you.. anymore !

She left.. He left.. the reason behind each one of them leaving being different; she had to leave.. he chose to leave.. the outcome is the same.. I am lonely.. sipping my life in moderation.. having a monotonous heart beats.. no ups and no downs.. no loud distracting slaps ; it's just tapping softly and gently on my solo soul..

I call it life in moderation.. sprouting out peace back into my moments.. it is calm.. it is me..

Regards,

IYM

Shopping with Hotel Costes

2009-08-14T00:32:00.003-04:00

All I Want

Hotel Costes

I was shopping last weekend at one of my favorite places while listening to this music which was playing in the background.. I got locked in being the last customer; I was alone.. kindley enough the owner did not kick me out as she knows how shoppaholic I am.. the music is from " Hotel Costes ".. It just got me into that mood of mine which my close friends know very well ;) It felt like running between the lost corners of my 'inner maze' when I was choosing which outfit to try on.. I call it the smart psychology of shopping.. She knew how to get to me and I'm hard I have to say to get to sometimes..
How much do you think I ended spending that afternoon ?! I care less.. she made me enjoy being broke !!

Are you surprised I wanted to buy the CD as well ?! She typed down " Hotel Costes " for me..

' You can order it from Amazon ' She goes.. ' It's already in my mind ' I wanted to reply ;)

" Oooooh ooooooooohhhh ooooooooooooohhh.. la la la .. what you are.. what you do.. "

Good Night..

IYM

I need an explanation !

2009-08-07T20:11:00.001-04:00

Would anyone explain what happens during the last couple of seconds in this life video please ?

IYM

Enrique "The Greatest Hitts"

2009-08-02T00:08:00.003-04:00

"I'm takin' back my love"

"Not in love"

San Francisco

2009-07-26T22:31:00.003-04:00

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

For some reason hidden deep inside those recesses in my mind.. I just love the beautiful city of San Francisco.. I can still smell the fresh full-of-life breeze by the Pacific Ocean.. For some reason, I can 'define' love clearly in SF.. every corner of that city speaks of love.. every moment is full of love even if it's only a solo-love; that is if you don't have a lover !

I just want to be there at this very minute.. my solo lover.. my SF.. " I get carried away when I look at you "

Good night..

IYM

When I Need You..

2009-07-21T00:17:00.004-04:00

When I need you.. I just close my eyes and I'm with you
I know that I so want to give you.. it's only a heartbeat away
When I need love.. I hold out my hands and I touch love.. I never knew there was so much love keeping me warm night and day
Miles and miles of empty space in between us
The telephone can't take the place of your smile
But you know I wont be travellin forever
It's cold out, so hold out, and do like I do
When I need you.. I just close my eyes and I'm with you
And all that I so wanna give you babe
It's only a heartbeat away
It's not easy when the road is your driver
Honey that's a heavey load that we bear
But you know I won't be travelling a lifetime
It's cold out, so hold out, and do like I do
Oh, I need you.. I need you
When I need love.. I hold out my hand and I touch love
I never knew there was so much love
Keeping me warm night and day
When I need you.. I just close my eyes and you're right here by my side
keeping me warm night and day
I just hold out my hands.. and I'm with you my darlin
Yes I'm with you my darlin
All I wanna give you, it's only a heartbeat away
Oh I need you darling

La la la la la la laa la..

IYM

Living on the Equator !

2009-07-18T03:32:00.003-04:00

I finally realized l live on the Equator.. not being polarized by the Middle-Eastern culture; and not being polarized by the Western culture as well !

How does it feel like living on the Equator ?! Am I lonely there or there are other folks like me but on the other side of our curvy Earth walking the same path as mine ? Can we meet someday somewhere along the Equator line ?!

Before I proceed with what I have to say.. let me make it clear that I'm extremely happy and content with my status of not being polarized.. it feels so good.. I am a free person.. I am a free spirit.. I am free..

I was in Dubai for 10 days or so; changed my plans from having an energetic relaxing vacation at Waipio Valley in Hawaii to that of bonding souls with my family in UAE. My week there was full of surprises I have to say. Starting from getting upgraded to first class on Emirates flight from Toronto to Dubai to the car accident that was about to kill me along with my family on Emirates Road in Dubai ! Yes it was a roller-coaster week but it managed to energize me in a different fashion than that of my favorite Waipio Valley !

My family planned to set me up for marriage.. I surprisingly agreed to go with the idea and give it a shot despite my complete belief in and attachment to the idea of love marriage. I questioned my values for a fraction of a second, which I promised myself afterwards I would never do again, and then I had to live the consequences of leaving my Equator line..

The candidate was 40; divorced with no kids; holds a University degree with a prestigious military rank.. hmmm, why not ? I thought to myself. Then the uni-gender delegate of women arrived to our place.. " dress up this way and talk this way " my sisters said to me with a smile on their face. I adhered to their instructions but only for a short period of time; I'm IYM after all and I can't wear a different skin but mine! They clearly wanted to check on how 'obedient' and 'giving' and 'compromising' I would be to his living circumstances without much of consideration to mine. I started talking about my independent life-style and how I'm enjoying my time in North America. One of them was staring at my body geography and the details of my curves, of course you know for what reason, and I was about to burst in laughter when I spotted her gaze thinking to myself " What a lesbian she is " !!. While still socializing with his sister, he called her to check on things, she goes " Not now, we'll talk later ".. I sensed an escalating anxiety level on the other end of the phone. We served dinner, and while doing so I let my sister take over the conversation.. I started getting bored for some reason and I thought to myself I better be mute and enjoy our home cooking that I missed a lot.. I was on a different planet and the uni-gender delegate sensed this.. " Who cares ? I'm enjoying my 'harees and thareed' " I thought to myself. " It was nice meeting all of you " we lied to each other while saying goodbye.

" He's 40 and divorced, he better chose for himself instead of sending me a lesbian to stare at my geography " I said to my sister. " This is how people get married here " she said to me. I go " You know what ? If anything I felt like an escape goat being chosen for Eid celebrations, this is not going to happen again.. you guys are not setting me up in this fashion again". She repeated " But this is how people get married here in UAE " I go " Well, I think you have an answer then to the high divorce rate in the country ". To tell you the truth, although it didn't work out because there was too much of IYM there, it made me insist on not changing my values and belief system just for the sake of being culturally 'normal'.

After I came back to Canada, I investigated more about him.. the guy has kids, although he denied it initially, and the guy is retired as well.. simply he was full of lies ! That's the blessing of our arranged marriages.. it deceives you in a 'professional' way that is culturally acceptable.. at the end you add 'Misses.' as a prefix to your name and it doesn't really matter if the suffix is ' miserable ever after' !

Back to my Equator.. where it's challenging and raining all year around.. where you are free and content at the same time..

I say NO to polarization.. love my line.. love my path..

Good night all ..

IYM

Elvis " My Way " .. No Comment !

2009-06-29T02:05:00.001-04:00

A Beauty to Experience !

2009-06-27T16:54:00.002-04:00

A beauty like no beauty ever.. it is customary and traditional to have fallen in love with the sunset.. but hey have you ever tried living the moments of birth of life; of sunrise instead ?!

Take a deep breath and relax with the sunrise of Hawaii.. an unimaginable beauty.. I hope I experience it soon ;)

Enjoy it..

IYM

A Wolf Hidden Behind a Mask of Open-mindedness

2009-06-26T22:42:00.010-04:00

Is the title able to explain it all " A wolf hidden behind a mask of open mindedness " ?

Countless wolves she met but for some reason she cannot seem to accept the reality of this 'Wolfy mentality'; and yet for a subconscious reason embedded deep within the soul and the mind; she forgives those experiences and hopes for a better encounter which is yet to appear in her life.. However, she seems to be loosing hope finally !

She's smart enough to see and read and smell the false illusion painting his acted open mindedness; simply " you cannot fake it if you do not have it ".. It takes more than maturity to broaden your horizon and be generous with your emotions and be one-step ahead of yourself in order to accept a woman the way she is ! How many men would have reached this level of spiritual development ? She really doesn't know the answer to this question.. All she knows now for sure is she should have followed her instincts instead of getting fooled by his invitations; at the end he unmasked his wolfiness.

He who belongs to the desert has to be a wolf to confirm his identity..

Our Arabian desert, so sensual and breezy at times.. so harsh at others..

IYM

Goodbye Michael.. We'll Miss You..

2009-06-26T00:07:00.003-04:00

I Can't Stop Loving You: English Version

I Can't Stop Loving You: French Version

You Are Not Alone

The Definition of a Gentleman

2009-06-24T02:22:00.003-04:00

Here is what I think defines the legendary gentleman :

He who doesn't insult a woman; verbally; physically or sexually.
He who doesn't judge a woman harshly based on her past relationships. For relationships are nothing but our pathway to growth and maturity.
He who is not concerned about a woman's income and her shopping list.
He who's there when she's sick, surrounding her with nothing but warmth and care.
He who is generous, thoughtful and considerate.
He who is romantic, passionate and lovable.
He who is endlessly giving.
A gentleman doesn't impose himself; instead he's being missed all the time.
I think every man has the potential of being a gentle one; only if he stops listening to his cultural taboos and starts focusing on the ticker inside of his chest; that is his heart.

That is my definition of a gentleman.

Good night all..

IYM

Elissa.. " Ya 3alem "

2009-06-21T21:34:00.002-04:00

What were they thinking ?

2009-06-21T21:16:00.001-04:00

Ooooh la la .. I always wanted to go sky-diving.. now I think I don't have to do that if I'm allowed to have a similar jump :)

IYM

Few Days Only !

2009-06-20T01:28:00.005-04:00

Jumping.. running.. yelling.. involved in love.. breaking up.. involved in conflicts.. shopping.. travelling.. enjoying life.. living.. bored of daily routines.. taking care of a sick child.. to the end of this endless list; the list of activities that defines 'life' and all of what it entails !

And all of a sudden, and without any preceding warnings you're faced with the 'death' news.. " Sir/Madam, I'm afraid to tell you that you only have few days left before your final departure into the unknown " !! Just like that ! It's final and it's already been decided by the Almighty who gave you life to start with..

Now what ? are you still frozen in your place having heard the news ? are you still in disbelief ? do you hate God ? are you cursing your few left over days ?

Is he going to cry over your physical death ? Is she going to shed tears ? Are you afraid of leaving ? are you scared of facing the unknown ?

Is there such a thing as 'Punishment' in God's dictionary as people and school teachers made you believe ? What are you going to be punished for ? Do sins exist in God's dictionary or is it only conceived by the ever victimized human mind ?

Is it painful ? I mean dying, is it painful ? Or else, is it joyful ?! Is it a beautiful unimaginable thing to go through ?!

I wish I would know..

She's dying.. He's dying.. that's all I know..

Fresh Air

2009-05-31T13:32:00.002-04:00

Fancying some fresh air.. come and join me then :)
This place is for sure my next travel destination.. can't wait..

IYM

When he said " NO " to his heart !

2009-05-30T15:26:00.003-04:00

And she recognized him the moment he stepped into the restaurant where she was waiting for him " that must be you, it' me.. would you join me please ? " I guess it was just her instincts ! .. All it took was only 10 minutes of an introductory conversation; work; studies; stresses of daily living and the iceberg was broken in no time.. their inner emotions for each other started flowing although they were both trying to hide what was going on deep inside ! Dinner was over, but they were not.. " May I walk you home ? " he said softly to her " Sure you can " .. he didn't want to leave her just like that without smelling more of the flowery aura that keeps surrounding her presence.. and she started becoming conscious of his presence and so she started avoiding eye-contact with him throughout the walk.. she simply did not want him to spot any weakness emanating through her soul.. she got those super expressive eyes as people keep telling her.. and finally she reached her destination; he shook hands with her; warm touch it was.. it just managed to shake her inner being ! He smiled softly to her as he managed to find his path into the crowded inner city..

They both couldn't fall asleep easily that night.. she kept thinking how spontaneous things were with this guy.. open books they were.. he was thinking along the same track.. but he had another burden on his shoulders that next morning is supposed to take care of so he just gave in to his sleepy eyelids.. and it was a different morning for both of them; she cared.. and he cared as well.. she kept calling to check on his nerve-racking matter; and he kept waiting for her soothing phone calls.. and finally life gave him the soul-lifting news he was expecting for the last two years of his life; he was happy; she was happier.. it was such a relief for him; she joined unintentionally his happy moments.. he lived it; she lived it with him second by second.. he was tearful and so she was..

They went out that afternoon; she didn't want him to feel lonely before his flight and he didn't say No to her company.. they just had 90 minutes or so to spend with each other before it was time to say Goodbye.. she felt the pressure of time; he was easing it on her.. the place was another restaurant.. he didn't leave her eyes this time.. he was sincere in everything he was saying.. she was listening.. she didn't feel like doing much talking this time; she just wanted to listen and keep listening.. she enjoyed his company as he did hers.. they were into each other; their moments could not deny this neither they did ! He was showing care and so she was.. then it was time to say Goodbye.. he gave her a warm lasting hug that she didn't want to end and he left but he left his heart in her hands.. only to take it back shortly thereafter ! He wanted her to keep calling and so she did..

They started bonding even though they were thousand miles away from each other.. and the bondage continued.. he became part of her life and she became part of his.. soon he became a priority and so she was to him.. he was supportive; very very indeed.. he was simply there day and night.. Sadly enough, when it was time to confront each other and disclose the undeniable 'love' status he decided to withdraw and he decided to say 'No' to his heart.. she couldn't resist her tears but she tried hard enough to stop the flow so he wouldn't notice it being on the other end of the phone..

What went wrong ? She still cannot figure it out.. he told her how demonized he is with his bad past divorce experience which simply broke his heart badly; he's not healed yet.. and so he decided to say 'NO' to his heart ! He admitted to the undeniable sense of comfort he feels whenever he speaks to her; the feeling that she very much reciprocates with him; however; it looks like all he wants for now is 'comfort' and 'friendly company'.. just for a short period of time maybe.. She also wanted a similar level of comfort and friendly company but maybe for a longer period of time than what he's looking for.. maybe for the rest of her life .. and that's why she's simply sad.. she felt she lost him forever.. she felt rejected.. it's not an empowering feeling for sure to feel 'rejected'.. she still cannot figure out what went wrong.. all she knows is that she still misses him.. he left a huge gap in her moments and days.. Is he enveloped by the same gap as well ? She really does not know any more.. she stop trusting her instincts..

Deep inside, she knows he's the only one capable enough of bringing back a joyful smile to her features again.. he made her heart smile.. how often we encounter people who can make a difference in the way we live and perceive our days ?! She still cannot figure out what went wrong.. she's still confused.. and she is in turmoil..

All she's praying for is that he stops fixating on his horrible past and start appreciating the gifts of today and hope for a better tomorrow.. would life answer her prayers one day ?!

Sad she is..

I PASSED My BOARDS !

2009-05-21T16:41:00.003-04:00

Yes IYM has PASSED her Board Exams !!

What it took was many many years of hard work; suffering; pain; despair; joy; elation and disappointments.. my path was full of ups and downs; I call it magnified waves.. riding the tide sometimes and drifting away by it many many times.. Finally I'm resting on my peaceful shores !

Yes the climb was steep.. but here I am breathing nothing but calm air that is hugging my summit ! I finally blossomed amidst thorns just like those flowers in the image..

I'm happy.. very very happy..

Time to leave my temple; unwind.. clear my mind.. enjoy my moment..celebrate.. and then think of my next challenge in this life..

Bonsoire'

IYM

Knock Knock .. !!

2009-05-14T10:18:00.002-04:00

It's a beautiful morning here in Ottawa.. I can't help but get carried away by any semi-stormy weather.. cold breezy winds dancing tango with my windows.. dark clouds romancing with my thoughts.. I'm no where on this Earth but above those comfy stormy clouds; my runaway destination for today !! Above all, knock knock on my heart for it's time for me also to start raining ! Be all ears.. it's your shoulders I need the most !

IYM

To Adam and Eve.. With Regards

2009-05-07T00:15:00.004-04:00

My dear Eve:

Would you please stop being so intrusive.. I love my privacy; as simple as this ! In other words, advises and 'orders' on how I should conduct my personal relationship with Adam is not welcomed by me. Your harsh judgment on him has no ground in reality; if anything it just reflects your paranoid state of mind; your inner insecurities and your failure to live and enjoy relationships yourself. Ups and downs are part of any intimate relationship; so accept this fact or else don't bother me by your destructive 'friendly advices and orders' !
The very fact that I accepted being in a relationship to start with, means I'm taking the risk of it not working out at the end.. life is all about risks.. and it's 50-50 chance for any experience after all, right ?! Why are you so bothered by 'my' outcome ?! The way I look at things makes me at comfort and ease with the other gender.. with Adam. This my upbringing so please don't bring yours into my equation! I'm happy that a kind gentleman exists in my life these days when he's needed the most; that's more than enough for me to be thankful to life for ! I don't need to fly with my thoughts to marriage and kids and all the drama that goes through our 'Evy' mind whenever Adam is kind to us. I need Adam as an Adam and not as how your culture or my culture defined him to be ! And I'm getting Adam as an Adam.. I guess this is more than enough to make me content and pleased. I hope you understand.

My dearest Adam:

To my culturally-influenced Adam: like it or not; I can't stop caring about you ! Leave it or not; I can't stop caring about you. The spark between us was real; our chemistry was homogeneous and so spontaneous and you know this. It's very unfortunate that you had to put your 'cultural' brake on the beautiful air that started to surround our existence. You made your point of view very clear and I do respect this very much, however; I wonder for how long you'll be able to resist those waves of attraction that had already shaped our shores ?! You still look at me with warmth.. you still surround me with care and warmth; all I know is warmth can't be faked ! I do understand the burdens on your shoulders that you disclosed to me during our emotional confrontation; but hey.. can't you just be honest with yourself and chose what makes YOU happy and care less about what makes others happy ?! I know how determined you are and that's one of the reasons why I got attracted to you in the first place.. it was your inner strength and spontaneous determination.. you were too real to ignore. So my dear Adam, I hope you take few moments to re-evaluate what you want out of this life. I know it's not easy being at cross-roads.. but hey, someone said once when we say No to something it means we're saying Yes to so many other things ! Just give it a thought.. that's all I'm asking !
To my 'Culturally-Deviant' Adam ( and deviant doesn't mean 'wrong' for calrification ) : I guess that's what's making you a unique Adam.. being deviant.. just like me ! You keep tickling my sense of femininity and self-confidence.. you keep praising and fueling my inner strength; you keep describing me as a ' Class woman '.. I guess this is your way to keep me enjoy being around you.. the sense of elation that I get out of your belief in me is addictive.. Why would any woman refuse being called ' Class ' ?! My real gentleman; you've done me so many great favors lately simply because you believed in me and in my capabilities.. I cannot thank you enough ! Sometimes I get afraid of loosing my defences and then being addicted to you rather than being addicted to your presence in my life which I'm already enjoying ! Is it fear of love ? Is it fear of stepping forward and out of my boundaries ? Is it not having enough trust in my femininity that is capturing your attention big time as so evident from the way you keep looking at me ? My dear deviant Adam, I hope you're having sweet dreams as I'm typing down my thoughts about you !
To my super-impressive Adam: I've been dreaming about such an Adam for ages now ! I met you for 2 hours or so.. and then Oops you just vanished given your work commitments. You got busy with the crowd; and although I just had less than 15 minutes of private chat with you when we met for business before you started disappearing in that crowd; you managed to capture my attention and ignite my curiosity big time ! I kept following you with my mind and my attention while you were socializing with your guests.. I didn't have to have prolonged conversations and chats with you to know what kind of Adam you are.. you were extremely smart; so fluid, transparent and spontaneous; highly confident and extremely respectful ! You managed to turn every one's head in the crowd towards you.. you must be proud of yourself; I'm sure you are ! I was so hopeful to get to know you more on a personal level; not for the sake of love as love usually hits unpredictably, but for the sake of knowing what shaped you the way you are ! However, your time was not yours and neither was mine. It's always more interesting to hear such stories from the person himself rather than hearing a 'modified' version of it from others I guess. And before you left and while taking pictures, I said to you with a sense of humor " I give you my blessing "; smartly enough you replied back by saying " you keep giving me your smile please " ! Now you know why you're on my mind at this very late hour ! This is Eve thinking about Adam ! I wish life would be generous with me and make me hear your version of your story; privately and personally !

Adam and Eve.. and the story keeps revolving, and the story keeps evolving..

Back to my temple.. Good night all ..

IYM

Beautiful Sadness

2009-04-19T12:22:00.002-04:00

The Red Violin-1

The Red Violin-2

Bonjour.. it's a sad day.. yet it's a beautiful day ! Am I making any sense here ? any coherence ?
It's one of those moments when you're in direct confrontation with your deepest sadness.. should I slap it and run away from it like I always do; or should I accept it; be friends with; and start enjoying its spontaneous rhythmical dance ?!
The thing is I thought I've been running away from it all those years; I've just realized I've been running away in a closed circle and no matter how large that circle was; even if it took years to run through it ( that's how large my circle is ) at the end I'm back to point "1" .. face to face with my runaway trigger again.. face to face with my deepest sadness again.. back to point zero and not even point one !
Emotionally drained ?! YES..
Mentally drained ?! YES..
Physically drained ?! YES..
What should I do next ?!
What if I try something new that I haven't tried before ?! What If I try to grab my sadness's hand and run with it in a circular motion inside of my larger circle that brought me back to point zero !! What if I not only run with my sadness for one turn but rather I keep running with it in smaller circles one after the other inside of the 'done' circles till we reach the middle of all of those circles and then find no space to escape through ! Time to catch my breath then.. and time for my sadness to catch its breath as well !
But what would be next after that revolving and evolving march ? Any other geometrical dance that would seduce my mind again ?! All I know for now is that I want to transform into a colourful butterfly and fly out of that tiring draining circle .. I want to breath the air of freedom.. my spirit needs to be free.. my spirit needs to let go of all of the negative experiences that are chaining it down to the moment .. I want to kill time; kill my past time and just enjoy living in the moment which I find very frozen !
The walk is still very heavy.. the walk is still not coloured with joy..
Freedom.. come to my spirit..
Freedom.. come to my mind..
My Sadness.. stay with me please.. I still need your company to help me grow !

IYM

IYM Ultimatum

2009-04-04T00:33:00.003-04:00

For some reason which is beyond my limited human mental comprehension I feel like I'm living one of Bourne Ultimatum's episodes ! Something somehow somewhere triggered my roller-coaster and so here I am riding high waves of my unpredictable life one more time ! However, this very ride of mine is very different compared to my previous trivial ones which at some point, when they were very active, seemed massive and non-defeatable to me. This new wave-ride, and I will not call it massive or non-defeatable this time, is very unique and interesting in fact; and above all very enjoyable.. yes very enjoyable and yes for the very first time in my life I welcome my new challenges with joy and big smile unlike my anxious previous welcomes !

Bourne Ultimatum.. IYM Ultimatum.. Life Ultimatum.. and here we go again..

How did I get into this new path of mine is the least of my concern.. mechanistically this belongs to life and to the good guy up there.. I stopped questioning ' How ' long time ago and I started focusing on ' OK, I'm in for it ' with a very relaxed and welcoming attitude..

Earlier this week I entered a very beautiful forest made of marbles; real blossomed flowers and perfumed by some fresh historical scents.. it was also inhabited by expanded self-growth individuals .. It was a genuine gentleman who smartly enough managed to decipher my code in no time and then grabbed me by my hand and guided my blind eyes to this beautiful forest.. I cannot thank him enough.. that 'Thank You' card I left on his disk for sure was not enough !

And while finding my way through the unlimited corners of that ticklish forest I managed to find a lion's cave ! And today I entered with my full conscious decision and intention the lion's cave and I locked its door behind me after letting a candle in that vague silent darkness which this cave is illuminated with ! Yes I was in direct confrontation with the lion for a while..reading him as he was reading me.. eye to eye and mind to mind.. it was such a mystical dance that I was prepared for by all of what I kept perceiving as obstacles over the past few years of my life! I call it now a shift in awareness ! The thing is I'll be living in that locked cave with that lion for few weeks now .. the real challenge here is not to let him spot any of my acquired spiritual weaknesses or else I'll seduce his drooling saliva ! I guess I would have to replace my acquired weaknesses with the real me.. IYM Ultimatum ! Right ?!

Would I reach ' IYM supremacy ' one day ?! Would I be able to continue exploring this beautiful and tickling yet challenging forest that I was invited to explore ?! Is there an end to it like it had a beginning ?! and above all, does it has that deeply rooted huge tree that I keep dreaming of hiding inside with my soul mate wearing my white clean childhood sleeping gown trimmed with intricate embroideries; not to forget for sure my perfumed hair ?! I have a feeling I'll manage to find my hide-away relaxing tree after this lion lets me out with a bow ! Ooh IYM, granduse ?! I do not think so.. then what, READY ?! I think 'YES' .. I have no other choice I guess.. a tiger I have to become !

Am I day dreaming.. I hope not..

Whatever you dream is real.. Picaso said that once..

Good night all..

IYM..

My Midnight La La Bye.. Good Night

2009-03-03T00:45:00.004-04:00

My Dream Man

2009-02-24T16:38:00.003-04:00

People keep asking me who my dream man is ! Not for anything but to establish a conversation with me that potentially could break the mountains of ice that I usually unintentionally display in public sometimes especially at work..

Mom keeps asking me this question simply because I'm driving her nuts with my repetitive refusals of those 'arranged' folks.. I wish I could explain to her the unfair comparison that I keep making in the back of my mind between her 'arranged superficial figures' and between this guy in the attached image " John Kennedy Junior " !

I guess the answer is clear to the question that I've been asked hundreds of times " Why are you single till now ? "

I've been captivated by JKJ's smile and genuine self-confidence.. get me a similar smile and persona and I wouldn't say no.. I promise ;)

Have a good day..

IYM

Have a 'Sensual' Evening..

2009-02-03T00:08:00.002-04:00

Hi guys.. IYM is back from her one week trip to California..for sure San Diego was amazing..way above my expectation !

I thought initially I'll post a clip of my whale watching tour ! I managed to capture moments of two loving gray whales flirting with each other.. beautiful.. amazingly beautiful.. However, as I'm really short of time these days I decided to post this rather again amazingly beautiful clip by Roberto.. I loved the girl holding the moon the most !

The music is so captivating and sensual.. it's really making me enjoy my solo moments.. it's from the Album " Trip the Night Fantastic " and the song is called " Blue Girl " .. enjoy it..

Sweet dreams all..

IYM

Carving The Mind

2009-01-21T23:32:00.002-04:00

And as I was day-dreaming while enjoying my vanilla ice cream and my evening coffee at this not-so-crowded down town Italian restaurant; I imagined him an old gentleman with thick gray hair and a gray moustache with a 'lock' and a big deep brown eyes .. and there was an iceberg as well somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind !

" May I have the bill please.. I have to be somewhere else soon ".. I felt like leaving a big tip, which I did, and I walked out smelling each flake of snow that was hugging my moment.. enjoying the way it was touching my face very gently before it transformed itself into a tickling cold drop of water on my cheeks..

And I carried myself very lightly, anxious and happy at the same time.. and I entered his place.. I smiled as he welcomed me with a very warm smile from deep within.. and to my surprise, while shaking hands with him and introducing myself, he looked exactly like I pictured him in my imagination minutes ago.. tall and slim, old with a thick gray hair and big deep brown eyes..

" Let your inner peace dictate your creativity.. Let it flow the way it should.. don't strain your mind, it should be effortless " .. those were his words before each one of us, his five students, started following his instructions: it should be warm water; don't make it too hot otherwise it will dry soon.. and we started pouring plaster into a huge bucket of warm water.. each working through it at his/her station.. and the place started to be dusty as we started using big empty yogurt containers to shovel the plaster.. felt like I was playing with beach sand in a way, or so I thought !

" I'll do the mixing with my hands instead of the metal mixer.. I find it relaxing " I said to him.. he goes " there is no one to pair with you.. I'll help you out " .. and he approached me with that warm smile, digging into the plaster and mixing it in my bucket of water.. and the paste got formed few minutes later through that .. " put your hand in it; it should form a glove around your fingers "..

" Hey guys, give the lady a hand " .. and my classmates helped me out pour my paste into a big box placed on the floor..

" It should dry in 15 minutes or so while it generates heat.. that the way this chemical reaction works " .. while smiling again..

And those 15 minutes passed while we as classmates were socializing with each other.. Bob is a University Professor who's into religious studies and philosophy; he injured his finger while slicing away cheese and so he was having a medical conversation with me after telling him what I do for living.. Melissa is a translator at the Market, and Francoise thought I was French for some reason " You have a French accent " .. " Well, I lived in Montreal for 5 years if that would explain it " .. Mark was standing all alone very occupied with thoughts; but he looked determined for whatever determination takes ..

" Time to take the paste out of the boxes.. place them on the tables and start carving " .. again he said it with that imprinted smile on his face.. I only realized I've just joined an art school for carving when he said so.. it was my first class; spanning 3 hours each; once per week on Wednesdays.. " You missed my class last week, but it's OK you'll catch up soon "..

I got my instruments handy, a chisel.. two hammers, a small brush, a smaller chisel for fine carving and I started my first strike on that white almost 'stoned' hot paste.. I didn't know what shape my stone will take at the end, but I was happy working through it.. when we started carving, he kept quiet and instead kept analyzing our minds and feelings..

It was only few minutes through carving when all my excitement with the instruments, that felt like little toys to me, started to vanish while despair, worries and fear started crawling slowly into my moments again.. I heard a voice advising " don't think this angle or that one is ugly or you can't do anything with it.. you can always make something beautiful out of it " .. and I started feeling good again.. but I was slow for some reason I couldn't figure out.. I kept trying all instruments I have and nothing was helping my almost frozen steps; and I lost my smile once again .. and with a loud confident voice he said to me " Don't be afraid of it.. come on get it.. do whatever you want with it.. just don't be afraid " .. his voice fueled my shaky soul, I kept looking at my stone studying its curves in and out and I started carving and chiseling really hard, one strike after the other till I really got carried away..I didn't realize how hard I was chiseling until I started sweating.. my moments got injected with heat.. I was transfusing all frustration I have and all fear I'm living into this piece of stone I was working on.. and all of a sudden I stopped when I realized my instruments were very loud and I could be disturbing my colleagues.. my old and gentle instructor kept smiling at me.. I took a step aside and I stared at the big white stone I was carving .. it got transformed into an iceberg.. and I smiled while feeling its rough surfaces that I created with my chisel and with my anger and I said firmly and confidently " You see, this rough surface is nothing but my rough days.. show me how to engrave a writing on it.. I want the letters to look like standing figures "..

" Time to clean up, we're done with this session " he said.. " What would we be doing during our next session ? " I asked.. " Continue carving ".. he answered me.. " And the session after ? " I asked.. " Continue carving " he answered with a big warm smile..

I helped him shovel the floor.. I wished him and my classmates a good night.. and here I am.. carving my mind.. missing my iceberg.. and my yet to be engraved letters..

MY FAILURE IS MY GAIN

2009-01-21T00:43:00.001-04:00

MY FAILURE IS MY GAIN

Good Night.. IYM

Birds of Love !

2009-01-13T19:24:00.005-04:00

Chill Out with 3abadi

2009-01-12T19:56:00.003-04:00

Part-3

Part-4

I'm just chilling out with 3abadi and this interview.. I wish I could meet with him in person one day.. would like to attend one of his Oud 'crys' privately !

Enjoy your evening all..

IYM

New York City

2009-01-10T18:23:00.009-04:00

" Duck Lake at Central Park "

" Central Park "

" The Chrysler Building "

' Just next to Battery Park '

' Battery Park '

Here are some of the pictures that my BlackBerry captured during my New Year's visit to New York city.. I enjoyed it alot.. for sure I'll give it another visit; next time to shop for shoes and

to attend my favorite musical " The Phantom of the Opera " one more time ;)

Hope you like the pix.. Enjoy your weekend..

IYM

In Sleep He Sang To Me..

2009-01-04T23:47:00.003-04:00

IYM is back from her dream trip to New York city. Once it was said that NYC is the greatest city in the World; I couldn't agree any more.. a city that simply contains the entire world in its million corners.. I haven't seen such a city where everything is magnified to the extreme; from taxi cabs; shopping malls; Broadway theaters; buildings; bridges; parks; and even garbage bags thrown at street corners at the end of the day !

Among the activities that I've done in my 4-day trip was attending the theatrical performance of "The Phantom of the Opera" at Broadways.. that's when I saw perfectionists in flesh and bone.. real artists.. I was really taken by the show from the beginning till the very end.. it made me feel I want to be part of the show.. I wish one day we reach same level of artistic performance in Dubai ! Attached is one of Phantom's songs performed by Antonio Banderas and Sarah Brightman ( this is not the theatrical performance as you might recognize ).

Once I exited Ottawa's airport; I was about to give the taxi driver my Montreal's address by mistake :) Anyhow, I'm finally back to the dead city of Ottawa.. I loaded my CD player with the soundtrack of " The Phantom of the Opera" and I started singing with it while unpacking my bags.. Now if you pass by my building by mistake and you hear loud opera singing; it's no one but IYM ! I'm the new Phantom of Ottawa !

La la la la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. " In sleep he sang to me..la la la la.. The phantom of opera is here.. inside my mind " .. la la la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..

IYM

Happy New Year

2008-12-31T23:45:00.002-04:00

" Yes We Can " keep it your daily ritual and your belief for 2009. May all your wishes come true. And remember, out of mind.. out of sight. Visualize your dreams; live them; feel them and they all shall come true..

Good luck to you all.. and Happy New Year..

IYM

Chill Out with " Sawa7 "

2008-12-29T21:45:00.002-04:00

Sawa7-1

Sawa7-2

IYM is chilling out this evening with " Sawa7 ".. It's my Mom's favorite song and also one of Sammo's favorites.. I wish I had both of them by my side tonight..

Enjoy listening.. need to cook my dinner..
Chaw all..
IYM

Could It Get Rectified ?

2008-12-28T10:55:00.007-04:00

First of all I find this kind of documentary made by the West about some of the negative aspects of our community completely unacceptable and that is for two reasons mainly:

First of all, the West is not perfect either; they should not call themselves civilized and human-right advocates just because they know how to manipulate their sex industry; eg, having strip clubs and escort services every where and showing porn movies for free almost every night with your digital TV subscription. Porn 'stars' are nothing but prostitutes at the end. That's the difference between 'legal' prostitution in the West and its 'illegal' counterpart in Dubai. At the end, prostitution is prostitution and it has nothing to do with how 'civilized' you think you might be !

Second, we shouldn't forget that about 90% of people residing in Dubai are non-UAEiens and so it applies that majority of sex-consumers and sex-traders are foreigners as well.. like it or not !

You wanna know more about the illegal aspect of prostitution in the West ? just go and visit a detention center for a couple of hours if you're interested in disclosing some facts; you'll meet teenage girls forced by their parents to prostitute for money ! And yes it does exist in the West as well as it does in the Middle-East ! The bottom line is no culture or civilization is 'pure' and crime-free when it comes to this humiliating act of human beings..

Maybe I should do some research on the first prostitute known to humanity and try to trace the chain of events.. any help with this ?! Then we'll have the complete and real picture on the subject and we'll know how many civilizations and cultures were involved so far..

Happy Holidays

2008-12-26T10:14:00.003-04:00

Happy Holidays to all of you out there. It was -30 degrees when I took this picture of Christ birth displayed in the main yard in Old Montreal last week when I was there on a short visit.

Sometimes I think of what would it be like to live in the old days of the Prophets. How would we react to their inspiration and guidance ? Would we oppose them in any possible way ? Would we support them and so on..

On a very personal level, I keep thinking of what would it be like to date any of the Prophets, especially the young and handsome ones, before the age of their revelations ?! I once expressed this thought to one of my friends.. you don't wanna know what her reaction was ! :)

Happy Holidays all..

IYM

What's next ?!

2008-12-22T23:30:00.003-04:00

This evening a one-year-old-friend [ it's been one year since our friendship ] called to check on me. I didn't keep in touch lately; neither with him nor with the others; with all of what I've been through and so I was so happy finally I'm almost back on my feet again finding myself open to the world; having a fresh start almost in all aspects of my life. Sometimes when we're down we just want to be left alone, not for anything but I guess that's the 'nature' of going through rough times.. it has its own unique 'forced meditation' if I may call it so..

He got me thinking about what's next in my life ! My family kept insisting on my return to my homeland this time when I went for a visit to Dubai last October. Mother lost it completely to the extent of having fights with me in public several times; the thing that I hate the most about her.. but I have no choice but to take it as it is.. I used her uterus to grow in for 9 tiring months; I was her parasite then and I was still her parasite for 23 years till I graduated from University ! So, I better stop complaining about her 'provoked' attitude.. don't ask who or what provoked her; sure it was no one else and nothing else but my unsettled career and even more my unsettled SELF. It's been two weeks since I called uncle last.. I shouldn't keep a distance with all of what he's going through after his daughter's death.. but I cannot help it; what an excuse eh ! the first question that he keeps asking me whenever we talk is " So honey, when are you coming back ? Just come back we do miss you " .. I go " Uncle, can't you just stop asking me this question, you know very well I do not like it " . One of my brothers told me up front " you don't want to come back, do you ? " I just smiled back at him..

What is it now that is keeping me away this long this many years from my family and my loved ones ?! Is it really my career and my postgraduate studies or is it an " unidentified mentally-flying object " ?! What is my UFO exactly ? Mom goes " Even when you're done with all of your postgraduate crap, you will find me anther Galaxy to immigrate to ! I know you very well.. no one can stop you " . Did she mean it in a good way, or she meant it in a cheesy way, all I know she knows me very well.. after all, I was her parasite !

If I'm to ask myself this question that I hate the most " What's next ? " what would be my answer then ?! All I know for now I have 2 more years to spend here in Ottawa.. and then if I'm 'lucky' enough then another year or so in the States.. and then God knows what plan I'll come up with.. God knows what UFO will start occupying my mind. See that is my problem, if I would call it a problem, the things that I consider very important; crucial and of great value are the very same things that most of my family members consider men's properties that a woman like me shouldn't touch and approach ! But I guess all of them know I care less about their way of thinking and I care more about how I want to live my life.

I find it such a naive way of thinking to think that love and personal stability just exists in the Emirates and so I have to be there otherwise I will not experience my own family life ! How on Earth then people managed to fall in love and to get married and have families all over the Globe ?! There are certain things that my UFO-occupied mind cannot comprehend when it comes to our cultural values and norms ! As simple as this !

I told this dear guy who called me this evening " To me all cities are more or less the same; you go shopping; you chill out and relax; and then back to your basic human functions at home ". Now, the question is which of these 'similar' cities IYM would like to settle in for good after she's done with her UFO ?! I guess I wouldn't really get concerned over this simply because it's not time yet for such thinking.. see that's how I manipulate my 'fans' in order to get down to their thinking and their plans.. at the end, life goes the way it's planned by the good guy up there who sent UFOs to IYM's mind !

All I know for now is I have to keep focusing on my three drops of oil ( you'll know what I'm talking about if you've read the Alchemist ); my UFO; and keep listening to my heart all at the same time !

Sweet dreams all..

IYM

" Trou de memoire " by Robertodedomenico

2008-12-20T00:52:00.002-04:00

I'm just back to Ottawa.. the drive from Montreal was a bit scary with all snow storm we're having this evening..

And as I was trying to stretch out and relax after my trip, I got an invite to become friends through my Youtube channel.. it's from Robertodedomenico who published the above video.. very artistic, very creative and very very true.. I liked it alot.. I would say I was on the same 'page' and tune as the subject of this video.. so here it is..

Enjoy it.. and Roberto, welcome to my insane world.. :)

IYM

Hmmmm

2008-12-11T21:52:00.003-04:00

Walk in Pride !

So Sensual !

Sure they're great lovers as well !

I can't get over having one as a friendly pet ! Just in love with this whity.. My God how adorable it is !

IYM

Even Men Can Loose it !

2008-12-10T00:25:00.003-04:00

Media

Presidential

Religious

Any Solution ?

2008-12-09T02:28:00.002-04:00

What to do with the psychopaths at work ?

Any solution ?

Any suggestion of how to make our life easier and tolerable with them ?

IYM

Happy Lonely Eid

2008-12-07T14:47:00.004-04:00

Happy Eid to all of us here in North America million miles away from our families and our loved ones..

Brother and sisters are in Mecca doing the pilgrimage; a big group of my cousins are there as well. Most importantly, my uncle's wife who lost her daughter about 8 weeks ago is there as well doing the pilgrimage on behalf of her lost daughter who told her few days before her death " Mama, prepare my gifts for the family.. I'm going for Hajj this year " !

I called mother when I woke up at mid-day today; I wanted to cry but I thought let me act strong as usual.. I do not have any explanation of why I keep holding my tears when it's time to let them go ! She was putting my newborn niece into sleep and for the first time I hear her voice; I was tearful again.. but again acting like it's OK and 'normal' to be homesick and not to show even a glimpse of emotion or feelings !

And yes I am homesick.. and yes I find myself isolated being million miles away from my family and my loved ones..

I guess it's time to call my Saudi friends here in Ottawa !

Enjoy your Eid..

IYM

The Law of Attraction

2008-12-05T01:48:00.003-04:00

And yes it worked !!

Last night and this afternoon I was deeply indulged in reading one of the most famous motivational books " The Secret " . It came out actually in 2006 and I had it since then but I only leafed through the first few pages given my circumstances at the time. Now I decided to read the rest of it with all hearts that I've got !

" The secret " gives you the most valuable recipe you can ever use to get what you want; that is formulated in three simple yet giant words : Ask; Believe and Receive ! It advises you to try it out on a small thing like getting a cup of coffee before upgrading yourself to a higher-scale higher-value thingy that you're looking for; just to convince you that it always works. IYM decided to go for a higher-value thingy as a starter and it worked for her big time this evening.. I'm so happy :) :) :) Now I know a magical recipe of getting what I want and dream of ; and believe it or not; it works !

Tonight and this weekend I'll simply loose myself in reading the rest of this magical book.. I need to fine-tune what I've mastered tonight ! I need to get what I want out of this life !

Wanna join me ? Get The Secret..

Good night..

Emirati Ana

2008-12-03T01:44:00.003-04:00

December 2nd was the day.. and I loved our gathering tonight with representatives from my beloved country the UAE.. the place was the Fairmont.. our Embassy members carried themselves with pride.. I was surrounded by a unique and distinguished halo of smart UAEiens who left their country and their loved ones and came here to North America for a higher cause; postgraduate studies each in his/her own major and field.. I visualized huge monumental dreams in the form and shape of humanbeings.. everyone was proud of each other.. everyone was happy..

And I was very happy and elated as well.. we were mirroring each other.. I saw my reflection in each of my colleagues' eyes and I voiced their true reflection as well.. How often do we really get to sense and see our true reflection; our true shadow; our true prints ?! I saw mine tonight !

And for the first time I find myself not interested in ' High-key; High-maintenance ' group of people and so I focused my attention on our young breed of UAE scholars talking to them about a path of challenge.. their chosen path .. orienting them to the needed tactics.. the needed armies and the required twists in the game of realizing your dreams !

I felt happy.. and yes I am still happy.. I've just realized I had a major shift in my awareness ! It's not about ' ME ' any more.. It's all about ' US ' !

Happy National Day UAE

IYM

Breathing

2008-12-01T23:33:00.002-04:00

At this very moment.. I find myself breathing.. breathing my own air.. sensing my own existence.. feeling nothing but my presence !

Wanna try breathing like I'm doing ?!

IYM

A Wake Up Call

2008-11-25T23:07:00.003-04:00

The comatose tiger inside of me is longing to breath vitality again..

The comatose tiger inside of me is obsessed with the dance of power.. the colourful dance of the Universe..

The comatose tiger inside of me is merging with its real reality.. with its essence of being.. with its inner depth.. with its own language and its own thousands of meanings..

My tiger.. would you wake up for me please..

IYM

Clueless Moments

2008-11-25T01:39:00.003-04:00

I guess I cannot resist and suppress expressing my thoughts.. so here I am again.. I would say echoing my inner vibes rather than blogging !

And it started snowing here in Ottawa this evening.. and in less than two hours the entire city got transformed into a white blanket; warm yet freezing .. silent yet full of those clueless moments !

I elevated the blinds off my windows so I can enjoy this natural 'blanc' blanket.. and with it; I guess I'm getting rid of my inner blinds.. no more worries.. no more insecurities.. and no more fears.. just like that !

Clueless moments ! My cousin passed away about 6 weeks ago.. and yes I can still feel my warm skin; or that's what I thought; touching her very cold skin.. she was peacefully dead and beautiful.. now I realize how warm she was and how cold I was for my entire life ! Skin to skin.. mine to hers.. and she gave me back all the warmth lacking in my moments; all the warmth needed in my days to come..

Dead yet peaceful.. dead yet beautiful !

Thank you my cousin for erasing those blinds from my soul.. now I'm alive.. now my clueless moments are smiling again.. peacefully .. I care less.. and I care more.. finally I do care !

My freezing 'blanc' blanket.. keep me warm again..

Good night..

IYM